Monthly Archives: August 2022

Financial abuse: Getting out and resources available to victims of domestic abuse

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So let me begin by saying, if you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, and financial abuse is part of that equation, it is extremely hard to find your way out. I stayed far too long in my marriage for this reason. If you have a friend or loved one that is in a toxic marriage, and you often find yourself wondering why she/he is still there, I ask you to remind yourself that you can’t possibly know what it’s like to be in someone else’s shoes unless you’ve walked in them yourself. Financial abuse is one of the most powerful methods of a survivor trapped in an abusive relationship and makes it extremely difficult for she/he to financially survive after leaving an abusive relationship.

surviving domestic abuse

Signs of financial abuse

These are some of the tell-tale signs of financial abuse: Putting you on an allowance, not having your name on the bank accounts, getting angry at you for spending money on yourself, hiding money, spending tons of your marital money without consulting you, giving you only just enough money to buy what you needed (example grocery money for the week). If you feel like monetarily your spouse or significant other is treating you like a child you are most likely being abused. I tried for years, even brought it up in therapy, to get my names on our bank accounts, but he always had an excuse. He was self-employed. He didn’t want my name attached to the business in case something happened. He didn’t think I could handle the monthly cash flow. I never knew how much money we had in the bank, or where our money was being spent. We were living a very comfortable life, with lots of privileges so many don’t have, and then we had nothing. It was always so unsettling to me. It comes down to control. He/they, they want control.

Leaving

When I was forced to leave my home with my boys almost 6 months ago, I had nothing. My name wasn’t on the bank accounts, and even if they were, my ex had depleted most our funds during his downward spiral the last couple years. Furthermore, my ex tanked my credit the last time I tried to leave by telling his office manager to stop paying all bills in my name. Thankfully I had amazing friends who helped me sell personal belongings and furniture and gracious friends donated cash on hand for me and my boys to temporarily live on. It saddens me that it took a night with the police involved to finally find my way out. But my home, my neighbors, my friends, a life I built for 15 years, it’s so hard to leave all that behind. I won’t lie, it was extremely sad selling all my things. If you are forced to do this, I recommend asking a friend to help you. Have them just do it for you, it helps it sting a little less.

Resources for domestic violence victims

When I moved to MA, I was very fortunate to have my mom’s house to move into. Although not my first choice I know so many aren’t as fortunate as I to have a family member to turn to. If you have nowhere else to go, I recommend calling your local Hubbard house. If you are not sure where, who to talk to, call your local DV line. I did meet with the local Hubbard house, but after discussing my situation as a whole they agreed that relocating to another state since I had family to stay with was the best option for me and my boys. If you are in a situation where you have nowhere to go, call your local domestic violence hotline. They can tell you what your options are. Furthermore, if you are in a relationship where there is a history of violence, you can get an injunction against domestic violence and be granted full use of the home. You can have them legally kicked out. I have an injunction in place. This was the first thing I did after the incident. You can either file it online or go to your local courthouse and ask for the DV room. However, our home had been destroyed during his violent rages and it was no longer secure and safe for me and my boys, so staying there really wasn’t an option. You have options to stay if that is what you want. Document, document, document. Keep a log, nothing to little is not worthy of writing down. And lastly, and this is one that was incredibly hard for me to do at first, until it wasn’t, do not hesitate to call the police. You need to put your abuse on record. I know it’s hard; To call the police on someone you once loved, maybe still do, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

Since being in MA, we have received zero support or access to assets, accounts in almost 6 months. I have a lawyer, and she is diligently working on this, but it is absolutely mind blowing that it takes this long legally for a woman and mom in my shoes to be granted rights to assets and funds. It’s been extremely frustrating, and I’ve been forced to take advantage of aid I never imagined having to use in my life. I still feel like there should be more resources for woman in my shoes. I want so badly to start over, to earn a living, to build a stable life for my children, but it’s so hard to even know where to begin without a car and money saved for childcare.

In MA they have what’s called DTA, Department of Transitional Assistance. And this is the place to qualify for food stamps, cash assistance, and daycare vouchers. I’m not sure what it’s referred to in each state, but if you call your local domestic violence hotline, they can give you the numbers to call for all of this. At first, I felt so ashamed, I was embarrassed to have to ask for help. But without a car (he stopped paying my bills so had to turn that in) and having been a stay-at-home mom for 7 years and have a little one not in school yet, and no money yet saved for childcare, finding a job has felt near impossible. Friends and family have reminded me that these resources are there for a reason, they are there for people that truly need help, to help people get out of a bad situation. So, if you are trying to find your way out, let me tell you, it’s not a time for pride, accept all the help you can. If a friend wants to give you money, take it. If a family member wants to take you in, go. If a family member wants to get you a lawyer, do not hesitate. People that love you want to help you. And if you aren’t as fortunate as I am, reach out to your local resources. If you are here in MA, feel free to send me an email and I can point you in the right direction. If you aren’t in MA, I can still help you know where to look. It’s not easy, it’s so hard, but there are resources available, don’t hesitate to use them.

Lastly, I’m going to be 100% honest. I was petrified to leave. I kept trying to create a plan. I kept telling myself I need to find a way to save money first, I need to leave when there is more money, I needed him to keep paying my bills to restore my credit. None of that happened. I told myself that I could just live my life with our friends and neighbors and ignore him. It was no way to live. I was living a lie and I was living a life walking on eggshells in my own home. My boys did not have a happy mom at home. I was petrified to leave, but I was even more petrified to stay. If you want out, just get out. You will figure it out, people will help you in your time of need. You deserve so much more. And when you leave, you will feel FREE.

Animals, trails, ice cream and more at Great Brook Farm

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I’ve been writing a lot about our go to outdoor adventure spots, and this place has quickly become a favorite of ours. If you caught my stories this week you may have seen they have some pretty feisty chickens, so if you get an ice cream there, you may be safer eating inside ;-). Great Brook Farm State Park is a public, day-use recreation area featuring an active dairy farm in the town of Carlisle, Massachusetts. It has more than 20 miles of trails that you can walk and bike in the non-winter months and cross-country ski in the winter. There is so much to do and explore here and I’ll take you through a day here with the boys.

Active Dairy Farm

First stop is usually the dairy farm. Depending on the time of day we go we usually will start with visiting and feeding the animals and getting a yummy ice cream. The ice cream house opens at 11, so plan your visit accordingly. The animals have to be our absolute part. They are all incredibly active and friendly and they have a quarter machine with food, so be sure to bring lots of quarters! They have free range chickens, pigs, cows, goats, sheep and llamas. My favorites are the goats and llamas! The boys have so much fun petting and feeding them.

Farm animals, petting farms, free range chickens, fun at Great Brook Dairy Farm

The ice-cream is delicious, and you can also get hot dogs and chips. They have a cute little store inside with lots of fun farm-based toys and books. My favorite ice cream flavor so far has to be the coconut almond bar…it’s delicious and my almost 2-year-old loves it too. The children’s size is perfect for my 7-year-old, and I usually share one with my toddler. I like that they have a “good size” children size here. So many ice cream stands go a bit overboard for the kiddy ice cream if you ask me. This week we took our ice cream outside and my 7-year-old made the mistake of giving one of the chickens a bite of his ice cream. Immediately afterwards the chicken jumped up and grabbed a bite himself and another one jumped up on the table and tried to take my toddlers! They are not shy, and they will go after your treats, so if you are at all skittish of wild chickens, I’d eat your treat inside!

Exploring the trails and pond

There are over 20 miles of trails at the park, but don’t let that intimidate you. We generally walk the trails right around the dairy farm and it’s the perfect little trail walk with little kids. I’m getting to that point with my almost 2-year-old where he no longer wants to be in a stroller, and when I put him down, he just takes off at lighting speed. So far wearing him on these trails has been the best option, but I do let him down to explore too. Most of the trails start off in the woods and have sections in open fields, we hardly ever pass anyone so it’s always a very peaceful and quiet walk. This week near the parking area they had signs of a guided story on one of the trails. I absolutely LOVED this idea. The had all the pages of the book printed out and staked throughout the trail. Sadly my 7-year-old was in a bit of a mood and wasn’t interested, but normally he would love that kind of thing.

One of the favorite spots for my 7-year-old is the pond down the hill from the dairy farm. It’s adjacent to a large field that habitats lots of geese. Watch your step, as there is lots of geese poop. It’s absolutely beautiful here, with lily pads and beautiful green grass and trees. My son loves to look for frogs, and we’ve seen a few snakes too.

If you decide to visit you do have to pay $3 for parking on a machine, so make sure you bring a card. If traveling with a little one, I recommend bringing either a carrier or a stroller if you plan to explore the trails. It’s a wonderful morning or afternoon out so I encourage you to get out there and meet the animals, explore the trails, and reward yourself with a scoop! Happy exploring, be sure to let me know your thoughts if you visit.

Free events at the town library

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My boys and I recently moved back to the town I grew up in, and it’s been so strange being back in my hometown after 20 years. Man, just saying that out loud makes me feel old. We had quite the group of friends in Florida, for both me and my boys. It’s been challenging at times to find things to keep ourselves busy and we have become frequent visitors to the town’s library. 

It is the cutest little library, with such a tight knit small community feeling to it. Oddly, I don’t remember frequenting the library as much as when I was a kid as I am now. As I was signing my oldest up for the summer reading program, I noticed that the library had all these free events and classes that you could register for. Being on a very strict budget right now, the word FREE struck my mind. One night while enjoying a glass of wine I got clicker happy and signed up for just about every event they had for the summer, lol. We did not end up attending all the events we signed up for, but we did manage to participate in three of them and they were a hit.

Bug Day

First up, Bug Day! Let’s get real. I am not a fan of bugs. I really find it odd that anyone would want to study bugs as their profession. But, as a mom to two little boys, I’ve often been forced to go on bug hunts, and create an overnight habitat for my son’s most recent find. It’s definitely forced me to get out of my comfort zone when it comes to outside creatures. Isn’t it funny how being a mom can do that? It’s amazing how many new things I’ve been forced to try since becoming a mom.

My oldest was right in his element. He had a blast. I was very thankful that my mom decided to tag along, as what I had thought was going to be an entirely outside event, started with a 45 min presentation inside talking about the anatomy of bugs. Totally manageable for my 7-year-old, but my very active 21-month-old…well anyone that has a toddler knows how that ends up. Unfortunately (maybe?), I missed most of the inside presentation as I was chasing my toddler up and down the library stairs as we waited for the group to go outside for the bug hunt. 

Eventually a large group of happy, energetic kids scurried outside with tiny jars in their hands, ready to go hunt for the bugs they had learned about. It brought me so much joy to watch all the kids running around, digging through dirt, looking at the trees, underneath the rocks, working together to find in (their eyes) a bunch of miraculous insects. I was amazed to see how all of them were helping each other out when some kids were getting sad that they hadn’t caught one. Thankfully to all the moms and dads there, the teacher made them free their finds before returning home, so I didn’t end up coming home with 5 new insects. 

Bug day at the library

Pirates lost at sea with Talewise

Next up on the calendar was Pirates Lost at Sea with Talewise and my son and I absolutely loved this one! Out of the three events we attended this was my absolute favorite. I was extremely thankful that my mom agreed to watch my youngest which allowed me to be fully present and enjoy watching this extremely engaging event with the kids. Talewise is an interactive educational S.T.EA.M program for libraries, schools, scouts, camps, etc. It’s a program emphasized on story telling all while teaching kids that science can be fun. A woman from Talewise was there and she told an interactive story about two boys out at sea encountering pirates and throughout the story she incorporated science experiments for the children to participate in. It was nonstop engagement and interaction with the kids, and I found myself smiling and laughing throughout the entire presentation. My son LOVES science and stories, so it was perfect for him. From toilet paper blowing from the waves at sea, to eruptions and more, I can’t say enough positive things about this performance. I would definitely attend another event hosted by them!

Talewise educational program for kids

Summer concert with the Toe Jam Puppet Band

The last event that we attended was a celebration of the completion of the summer reading program. The Toe Jam Puppet Band came to perform, and my son had an amazing time. The Toe Jam Puppet Band is a children’s entertainment group from New Bedford MA. Unfortunately for this one I did not get to participate as much, as my 20-month-old was with me and had an ear infection and I think the loudness of the band was a little too much for his ears. Him and I spent the majority of the time in and out of the room where the band was playing, running up and down the halls, and trying to persuade him back in the room. Normally this would be something he would LOVE, so it totally caught me off guard when he started crying. Although I didn’t get to see the whole performance, every chance I had to sneak back in the room was greeted with dancing, laughing and full-on fun for the kids. My son was smiling, jumping around, and having the time of his life. They ended the show with some hula hooping and I was very impressed at all kids’ hula skills!

Toe Jam Puppet Band

Berry picking, peach picking and more at Carlson Orchards

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One of the things I’ve been most excited about since moving back to New England is being able have my boys experience all the exciting things each season has to offer. You can pick berries in Florida, but not without a drive, and the experience just doesn’t compare. A dear friend of mine who has been a huge support during this transitional time sent me a gift card last week and told me to use it to do something fun with the boys. So, when a mom friend I grew up with here recommended Carlson’s Orchards I immediately knew where to put the gift card to use.

Carlson Orchards, peach and berry picking

We had the best experience. Not only did they have blueberry, raspberry, peach and apple picking but they also have an amazing tap room with a huge variety of hard ciders, apple cider slushes for the kids, and delicious pizza. It is very kid friendly with an open-air barn style tap room, and an outdoor playing area where the little ones can run wild and play cornhole.

When we first arrived, we saw that we had a choice of picking blueberries, raspberries and peaches. If you plan to go, be sure to check their growing schedule on their website as it tells you what fruits they have available and when. This place is HUGE. The only thing I wish I had done differently was bring a wagon or another adult. With my 21-month-old, and the heat, it was a bit of walk in between the blueberry and the peach farm. Luckily my 7-year-old stepped up and carried the large carton of peaches that we harvested. My youngest ate more berries than we collected, and I don’t think he put a single one in the carton…He was in heaven.

After a good hour of picking and walking around I was looking forward to an adult beverage and the boys were excited to have some pizza. The service was excellent, the kids LOVED the apple cider slushies, and I decided to sample the Pioneers flight which was a lot of fun to drink.

We were told that they often have live music on the weekends as well as different food trucks on the farm too. We left with enough peaches to feed an army, a quart full of berries, happy bellies and full of smiles, minus me wrangling my toddler at the end! When it’s time to go, it’s time to go with an almost 2-year-old. All you mommas out there know what I mean.

We can’t wait to go back and pick apples in a month, and I’m hoping to find another mom friend to come with us!

Gaslighting from afar

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Have you ever been hurt by someone physically or emotionally and then awake the next day to them pretending or denying it ever happened? Have you found yourself questioning your own reality? It makes you feel crazy when someone can blatantly deny they’ve hurt you. Welcome to the horrible world of gaslighting. And if any of this sounds familiar, I’m so sorry you are dealing with this too. 

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which someone makes you question your own reality. It happens when an abuser tries to control a victim by twisting their sense of reality, aka, doing something horrible to you and then telling you that was not the way it happened.

Gaslighting red flags

Being a victim of gaslighting has been my entire world the past 5 years. And if I was to look back at the entire course of my 17-year relationship, I could probably find signs of it along, which was then exacerbated by substance abuse and mental illness. I constantly felt like I was walking on eggshells. And when we had a fight, which became more often than not, he would completely disregard my feelings, and find a way to make me feel guilty, as though I was somehow to blame. He was always playing the victim in all aspects of his life. 

When I finally worked up the courage to leave 5 months ago with my boys for good, I thought I was finally breaking free from the hurt, from the constant manipulation. I thought I was finally breaking the cycle. Unfortunately, I was wrong, and he is still finding ways indirectly to hurt us.

Even without contact, he is still finding ways to try and manipulate me. From harassing those that have helped me and my boys in our times of need, to slandering my name to family and friends, the distance between us somehow hasn’t ended the hurt. It amazes me, that even though his family has seen firsthand his violence, his sickness, that they are still not only enabling him but believing his lies. Lies that are not only hurting me, but substantially affecting the financial future of their grandchildren. 

It has been a hard month and so many of the bad choices he’s made are directly impacting the life of me and my boys. It’s disturbing how even though you are the victim you still can be left feeling like you are the one being punished. It wasn’t until I was chatting with a dear friend of mine who has also been a victim of abuse that I realized that his family is gaslighting me too. My friend made a significant point, that he was probably brought up with parents that used this manipulation and that is probably where he learned it. 

That right there was another reminder of how important it is that I got my boys away from him, the reason why I’m fighting with all my power to not let him near us until he gets the help he needs. Another friend keeps reminding me, I’m in the HARD part right now. Leaving is only the first step. Now is when the real healing begins. I’m trying to allow myself to be angry, but I’m also trying really hard to let go of those things I can’t control. One of my best friends gave me a necessary kick in the butt and said to me,

“Just keep looking forward Ashleigh. There are a lot of what if’s, just focus your energy on moving forward. He has not ruined you.” 

And that is exactly what I’m going to continue to try and do. They can continue to try and beat me down, I will overcome. I know the truth. 

  

Finding peace through outdoor fitness in New England

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My youngest was up before the rest of the house the other morning (pretty much always is) and I stepped outside with my coffee, quickly realizing it was cooler outside the house than in. We’ve been in the middle of what seems like a forever heatwave here, and although I’m very well accustomed to hot, humid weather from living in FL, I am not used to not having a cool house to seek comfort in. It’s been so uncomfortable in the house, which has made it difficult to do my inside workouts. 

I asked my toddler if he wanted to go for a run, and he shouted, “YES!”. It made me chuckle because he is not a fan of sitting in the stroller, he’d much rather be running himself, so I knew he wasn’t quite realizing what that meant for him. So, I made him some breakfast to go, laced up the running sneakers, grabbed my all-time favorite baby purchase ever, my BOB stroller and took off for a run. 

Running with my boy

I had forgotten how much I loved running, how mentally it does something different to me than my other workouts. I used to run with my oldest all the time when he was little. I even created a free mommy meet up walk/run group that met twice a week. Running with my oldest became one of my favorite times of the day. But with my second, well everything just became so much more difficult. Something about running that morning, despite the sticky weather, was extremely freeing. Listening to good music, moving my body, being in the fresh air, it almost brought tears to my eyes. It’s amazing when you’re going through some hard times how a simple rush of adrenaline can make all your emotions come pouring out. Pushing that stroller along was so liberating, and as I ran faster and faster, I began to feel stronger and more like myself than I have in weeks. 

The past two years have been such a roller coaster. I’ve stayed somewhat consistent with my fitness routine, but not as nearly as strict as I would have liked. I’ve realized through so much reflection these past 5 months, that I haven’t put my own happiness, my own health first in so long. When your mom, that alone makes that so much more difficult, but when you’re married to someone who is suffering from illness, and not taking care of himself, you spend so much time and energy wanting to get them help. 

Today, I’m recommitting to making my fitness, and wellness journey a number one. It’s time that I start putting myself first. It’s amazing how much stronger internally I feel when I’m pushing my body to do hard things. As much as I miss my home, my friends, and my normal life, I’m choosing to get back to my roots and make some goals to do the things I once loved so much when I lived in New England…. running hills, biking, hiking, and my all-time old favorite, skiing. I am looking forward to pushing my body in new ways over the course of the next year and am certain mentally it will make me stronger too. 

Adventures at East Boston Camps

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When my boys and I moved to New England a few months ago, it was a huge change for all of us. I was born and raised here but have been living in Florida since 2005. My now 7-year-old, has grown up living on the water, fishing off the dock, and exploring Florida’s water life. We live to be outdoors, and as a mom of two very active little boys, our days go so much more smoothly if we spend a lot of time outside. 

Exploring East Boston Camps

East Boston Camps is 286 acres of trails, ponds and camp buildings located within the Stony Brook Conservation Land. I remember going to East Boston Camps as a kid with my dad. These are some of my fondest memories with him and after losing him several years ago. It’s been nice to share these moments with my own kids. It’s amazing how the place hasn’t changed in all these years. Even the camp buildings are the originals. When we were kids my brother spent a week of overnight camp here in elementary school. Unfortunately, his class didn’t behave and ruined it for the younger generations ;-). Just looking at the dock’s memories came flooding in of my dad and I swimming across the pond, biking the trails and jumping into the water to cool off on those hot summer days. I’ve loved re-exploring it all through the eyes of my boys. 

My family home, that I’m now living in with my mom, is only 5 minutes from this little outdoor oasis. You could literally spend hours here hiking different trails, fishing, swimming, creature hunting, exploring the campgrounds and sighting trains. Seriously, a little boy’s dream place! It has quickly become a go to weekly spot for us. Everyday we go we always see something new, from the biggest frog I’ve ever seen, to more snakes than I’d care to say. It’s always an adventure and has become our happy place. My oldest even had the privilege of doing a week of camp here this summer and he had a blast, hiking, fishing and swimming. 

If you’re local, and you’ve never been, I encourage you to put some sneakers and bug spray on, pack some snacks and sandwiches and get out there and explore. Something about being out in nature, with my boys, has brought me so much peace during a difficult time. 

Largest frog we've seen

Black Raspberry, the Narwhal of the Berry Family

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Is it a Blackberry, Raspberry, or Black Raspberry? Do you know the difference? 

A few weeks ago, we had dear friends visit. Our sons have been buddies since they were 3 and us mommas became great friends through their friendship. We were so excited when they told us they were coming to visit us! The boys were out back exploring, looking for bugs when they ran in to tell us they discovered a berry bush. Berries are my boy’s absolute favorite thing, so berries on a bush in the backyard? Well, it doesn’t get much better than that. I grew up in this house and I remember picking berries next door as a child, but I don’t remember ever having any berry trees in our yard. 

black raspberry or wild raspberry

The boys told us that they thought it was a blackberry and a raspberry bush, and that’s exactly what it looked like. But the blackberries were much smaller than the blackberries you find in the store, and much less harry too. My friend did a little research and it turned out it wasn’t either of those, but a black raspberry. Did you know there was such a thing? In all my 39 years of life I did not know that there was a black raspberry, but that makes more sense out the loveable back raspberry ice-cream.

I started doing some research on our newfound berry bush and it turns out that black raspberries are rather rare and is like the narwhal of the berry world. Wow, that makes me feel like we have quite the little gem in our backyard, lol. They are also sometimes referred to a bear’s eye blackberry, black cap, black cap raspberry, and my favorite scotch cap. The taste is very similar to the French liquor, Chambord.

My son has been loving watching what looks like a raspberry turn to a black raspberry, anxiously waiting each day for this precious fruit to be ready to pick. Sadly, we went out to pick some yesterday and it appeared that an animal beat us to it. I hope there are more to come.

If you’re outside exploring your backyard and come across a berry bush, here’s how to tell if it’s a blackberry or black raspberry. Black berries are larger, have hair, and have a little bit of whole on the bottom. Black raspberries are pretty much identical to raspberries but black! But they taste much sweeter.

If you live in New England, I encourage you to get outside and hunt for these wild bushes. Summer is the season! Happy berry hunting 🙂

The Legal Headaches of Divorce

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When you’re thinking about getting a divorce, you think about the emotional turmoil it’s going to cause you, and the lifestyle changes for you and your kids, but you don’t realize the amount of time and stress you will spend on legal documents. Not to mention the crazy amount of money every text, email, phone call, and documents ends up costing you.

I just finished once again working through another deadline. I feel like I’m constantly buried in paperwork, scrambling to find the time with two little kids to fill out yet another document.  I swear, going through a divorce, even with having a lawyer is like having a full time job. Granted, my situation is a lot more complicated than some, but it’s so unbelievably stressful going through all this. Not to mention all the time on Google you spend trying to understand all legal verbiage. I think by the time I’m done, I will have learned enough to be a paralegal, lol. 

I feel incredibly blessed to have an amazing brother and mother that are helping me with my legal fees. There is no way I could have gotten a lawyer without their help. My ex has left me and my boys with nothing. My heart breaks for all the women out there that are living in similar shoes, that stayed far too long in a horrible situation due to financial reasons. 

It’s so scary and difficult to leave when you’ve been financially abused and a stay at home mom for so long. There should be more financial resources available for women out there needing legal representation. Perhaps there is, and I’m just not aware. I’ve connected with so many others walking similar paths to mine over the past couple years and it maddens me how hard society has made it for women and moms feeling scared and trapped to start over. 

Change needs to happen. These issues need to be talked about more. Victims of abuse need to have more avenues of help. 

For all you women out there giong through this with me right now, I feel for you. For all you women out there trying to come up with a plan to get out….I feel for you. You are not alone in this, even though I know it feels that way. 

If you are going through divorce, a victim of abuse, or have lived with someone who suffers from mental illness, I would love to collaborate with you to let your voice be heard. I know it’s scary to share your story, but if you are suffering from any kind of abuse, I guarantee someone else out there needs to hear it. We can make the post anonymous. Too often are we silenced in an abusive relationship. Let me help you state your truth.

Taking off my Wedding Rings 

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It is such a weird feeling to take off something that has been a part of your hand for almost 8 years. And to be honest, it took me weeks after I left to finally take them off. I felt naked without my rings, some days I still do. I still remember the day I finally got engaged, I had been patiently waiting for 8 years for my now ex to put a ring on it. It was a week before Christmas. We always celebrated our Christmas a week early as we traveled to see family the actual week of Christmas. And there in the bottom of my stocking was a little black box. And when I opened it, I thought all my dreams had finally come true.  I remember that moment all so clearly, as well as the day we stood up and said, “I DO.” 

wedding rings

I pulled them out for the first time in 3 months today. They’ve been sitting in a box, in my nightstand drawer, and the tears immediately started pouring out. 

What to do with them… Sell them? I desperately need the money.  Keep them in a box? That makes me feel like I’m not moving on. Turn them into something else? Not sure what I would turn them into. Wear my wedding band on the other hand as a statement ring? I purchased the band myself. He didn’t think I needed one that fancy. RED FLAG. 

For now, I’m putting them back in the box, and reminding myself it’s ok to give my heart some more time. One moment, one day at a time.